STARING AT THE MAN IN THE MIRROR

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Love,a hearty expression,An overflowing grail of emotions and desires.An inextinguishable warming thirst.A gentle section of you tripartite self.A feeling that bursts into trust and kindness,humility and honesty,a closet full of virtues.

Love is the extension of oneself objectively to nurture one’s own or another’s spiritual growth at will.

A widow with three kids was blessed with a slice of bread,she looked at her three year old son and opted him to have it in her place.Another starving widow harvested a poisonous fruit that was hanging to a height that didn’t require much effort to pluck on her way home after long hours of unfruitful search.She split the fruit into two halves and had her maltreated daughter have one half from her back,where she was fastened with a shawl.

Love is the fear of losing a self-projection,a spiritual extension of yourself.

Love begins from within me,If I can’t love myself then there is no way I can extend myself to others.It is more of diffusion,higher concentration points to lower concentration points.If I can’t buy myself lunch because I think it is an uncalled for expense,then someone comes into my life and I start buying lunch every time they come to visit,doesn’t mean that I love them,It means that there is some other hidden motive beyond love.

We all do things to impress those who we really think we love,even though we strain ourselves beyond our boundaries.You date someone who cancels your executive coaching programs every Thursday and replaces them with ‘Imax Thursdays’ .But you do it anyway,not because you love the idea,but because you think that they are the only things that can get you love and without them,all love is lost.

When I get angry,I walk inside my room and play with my toys for a little while,A thing I used to do nineteen years ago.Nineteen years ago,my dad bought me these toys so i could play them every time I felt lonely,this was even before i knew someone could make friends.I appreciated the time,and there was more to it than the feeling of Joy,an inward feeling of peace.Seventeen years later,I found this girl who I liked so much,we dated a whole year then broke up.I was all on my phone texting her about how much I can’t live without her.

A full seventeen years I have lived not knowing her,and now I believe that the world would force a stop if she walks away from me,this is actually how I learnt the definition of irony.

No man is an island?We all are islands,separated from land by water bodies.We are humans separated from each other by personality variance.

KEEP HOLDING MY HEART

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As I took another close look into the river,I saw the water wrinkle into irregular reflections of me.Still clear,I could see myself,I could tell the part of me that was missing.All that I had confided within myself all these years slowly started dawning,I put my finger inside the water,then my arm.I had to go,I have been patiently waiting on this moment,the moment when I will return,return to the place where I belong,belong with the people I love.

After years of invocation to God for a walk around town,He blessed me with more than my family had hoped for,a job,but not just any ordinary job.A job that parts you away from home,but with this photograph,I sure will live to see tomorrow to remind me how close I am to seeing you again.

Being in the army is what I have dedicated myself to all this while,although at times I am torn apart between my family and the wider civilization,a civilization that I vowed to protect with my life.I pull through just fine after I read and re-read this letters my family wrote me.I smile cause I notice how lonely the family photo looks without me,there is nothing warmer than the feeling of hoping for somebody’s love the next time you meet.

As I stand the battle field,It is loud from the wailing and gunshot noises that prevail and blurred from the smoke that clouds beside and ahead of us,but that doesn’t limit me from focusing on my targets.They can’t kill me,not today,my service to my country is still green,these people need me.What will my sons say when I am gone?how red will my wife’s face turn when she tries to come into terms with her loss?I could picture her crying,I could see her saddened face hid behind her palms,besides losing me,she loses a great deal of water through her eyes. That’s just too much for me.

I step up my game,an epic moment of coordination stems us firmly against our oppressors,I could see some of us retreating back,others dying,brave heroic warriors.But those of us who hoped to live,fought with the last of their tooth.

God bless those who love so much,those who find discomfort in pain,those who unconditionally give themselves away for the sacrifice of a whole lot.

LONG TREE OUTSIDE MY WINDOW

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Clack!Thud!I tried winning my grip back to my feet but I only tumbled down,crushing everything that I lay my arms on.I folded myself together,not knowing what was about to stream next.”I never thought you were smart,you have always been a load of shit!that’s all you have always grown up to!”I could faintly pay attention to the cursing demeaning words that came from my father’s foul mouth.I was being hosted on yet another weekly edition of ‘I hate you’ live show scripted and fully endorsed by my dad.How I slithered my way outside,still remains a point of mystery,a bright choice,a smart outcome.

My friends at school call me ‘freaky Ken’.Silent and still but my eyes speak death and confusion.I don’t seem to be the kind of person anyone would want to hang around with,I hoover my way aimlessly around my environment and sometimes I lose my bearings,The place that I am in feels like the first time,the people that I see are no lesser to angels,I am in a city of angels,and these angels walk out in the dark world where everything I see is not what I touch. Estranged,I am quenching for something,I don’t know what but It is something that anyone would save stacks of cash for.

The pressure,I happened to seek from the internet a little about cerebral aneurysm,and that’s what I think my body has resolved to.As I sit on the far end of the branch of this tree,thinking of all the wonderful dreams i desire to achieve,a clouding disapproval covers my inside,I was smiling and now I can feel the cold on my frowning lips.I can feel a voice echo,reminding me how worthless and stupid I am.

That’s all I can remember to record in my journal about my dusty childhood,so i hinge it closed and place it inside my drawer at the side of my bed,brush my suit,take up my briefcase and head off to work.As I locked my house from the outside,I smiled at these words,’you are all that you have always wanted to be’.

(This is all a work of fiction and pure imagination based on strict observance and progressive interaction)

 

THAT’S THE WAY IT IS

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One plus one is two just as milk is a healthy constituent of tea,somethings you don’t need a teacher to force you to comprehend,they just occur naturally.I don’t remember any part of my suckling period but I am sure as hell I trusted the process to grow my bones healthy into this stage that I am in,a stage where I am disgusted by the sight of breast milk.

One sperm was contested in a competitive swimming contest against millions of others,It took the determination and the lead,who knows of the cut-throats?maybe secretions of slimy fluids to slow down the speed of the incoming rest?all in all,It stormed the finish line with a swag and maybe one situation,it held the space leading to the winner’s circle for one or more others to accompany.The rest of the swimmers were crossed off from the competition as now the winner and maybe the runners up were declared.One thing led to another and you were born.That was survival in the inner world,an oblivious world.

Now you open your eyes to find other billions of winners whom you coexist with,only this time swimming isn’t the only way to survive.You crush,fall,break,bend,twist and turn.One event leads to another,the end of a race s the beginning of a new one.It is an infinite regression of races.If your legs dysfunction,you learn to use your arms.

Thing is,If it doesn’t occur to you today how much lucky you are to wake up to a full breeze of oxygen,then it must have been a mistake you won the race to existence.I always encourage people to reach beyond themselves and see the light that is illuminated from within their depths,I would like to assume a golden sparkling light,a winning color.You think you are unlucky because you didn’t afford an early morning breakfast,well,tell that to a wealthy stage three cancer patient whose pain limits him from getting the pleasure from sweet tastes of groundnuts.

AND IN EVERY DREAM,YOUR FACE IS ALL THAT I SEARCH FOR

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I shot my first web through onto KICC tower where I swang my way to follow something that resembled a leprechaun,This thing was fast but I managed to maintain my pace and with the gift of my reflexes,I maneuvered my way through tiny spaces.My mask fit perfectly well,my costume was way cooler than I ever Imagined.But I can’t appreciate my designer cause I cant even happen to remember how I got my spiderman suit on.”I am losing grip,NO!doggone!”I could feel myself free falling,I was out of web…I open my eyes to find myself beneath the chamber of my bed,next to stuffed suitcases from when I was in high school. The leprechaun got away,I lost.

A dream is a series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person’s mind during sleep.Dreams are projections of thoughts formed from solid grounds of audio-visual sensations which were earlier perceived and stored in our memory banks both consciously and unconsciously.

Why audio-visual recordings only?we only have five senses of which two,taste and smell are exclusively practical.Have you ever woke up in the morning to remember about a wedding party that was hosted in your dreams and you girlfriend Katey got you busy with a piece of tasteless cake and a glass of liquor which you weren’t sure it was but because it was served from a bottle of whisky and it really got you inebriated and turnt up through the rest of the occasion.You remember singing along to the maroon five band?

In our dreams we also respond to a false sense of touch.This happens as result of accessing a memory that is fully detailed with a set of causation,reaction and emotional responses related to certain situations.You get burnt with a flame from your lighter while trying to fix yourself a quick lunch so you could hurry back to work since your boss is an inconsiderate,bureaucratic honcho.The pain triggers your emotions and you are suddenly raging across the house,probably woeful about you freedom and your rights.

In the evening later,you manage your operations as normal and you set off to bed,then suddenly you are in hell and a basilisk with your boss’ face is frying you up.The heat is unbearable you can feel him piercing through the side of your ribs with his pitchfork.You are pretty convinced that you are thinning away.And If there is anyone sleeping beside you,this is what they will hear.”Please,mercy!you don’t have to do this,I will do anything”.Pleading voices and negotiations.

LIFEHOUSE-I WANT YOU TO KNOW

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I would like to assume that I am daft and naive and that not much happening around me is of consciousness,but whoa!I can’t help but be amazed by the structural appearance of the universe and all that it holds.Not humans as per say,because I am in constant interaction with most of my own type and I really have had a lot to learn about them,I mean the frontiers that tear beyond us.The secrets past fantasies.

So I took a little time to write some of my research findings into exposure.And I will begin with the cosmological vessels,the planets.My research is not aimed at tapping what already is in  your knowledge,My research is aimed at opening our eyes to witness the beauty of the ‘ordinary’ existences.I have friends who seem less ambitious about  issues that revolve around bio discovery,So some tend to think that I am a little too boring when I am spread all over the sitting comfortably watching Nat-Geo Wild and would like me to loosen up for quick shots by the bar.They are bats of the day,blinded against the beauty that surrounds them.I wouldn’t wish to talk about my friends any further.

I personally love studying the movement of the moon around the earth,especially every full moon evening when I lie over the grassy backyard as I have a little connection with myself,Only did I come to realize later in a text that I read,that Jupiter has 67 of these amazing bodies.I would like to Imagine a person who has lived in Jupiter his whole life,he wouldn’t know the importance us earthlings have attached to the moon,he has got sixty seven of those.One moon fails to show up,the rest 66 moons back up the night.The moon fails to show up on earth and a romantic evening is possibly ruined.(The reason I did not talk about the stars)

The other day I realized my uncontrollable fear for ants,I sweat at the thought of ants.Not because they have bigger mandibles than I do,I could actually chew on a whole empire in a single mouthful. But because I realized that these insects have rather an unbreakable enthusiasm and a high spirited nature with well organized formations,speed,agility and a mastery of guerilla tactics.

Asterina gibosa,a sub-species of a starfish,not only grows with time,but also grows through different stages of sexes.A part of Its life is male and the other part is female.What a mystery,how that happens still makes me wanna meet God ask him a few questions and feel his majesty.

IS IT TRUE THAT GOD SAID I AM WHO I AM?

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I came off from school rather late this evening and I had only one thing on my mind now,to lay the rest part of my day in bed.At this point,it had occurred to me how much a stressful day this was and boy!my spine nodded approval too.I lazily twisted the knob of the door that led to my room open gave a sigh and offloaded my backpack with  a thud.I hardly had anytime to adjust my room from the dirty laundry that spread across the floor of my ‘heaven cave'(That’s absolutely my room,I like calling it so cause it instills in me some sort of peace)

“My Walkman!has anyone seen my Walkman?deuce!”I never really liked anyone shifting things around my room,it brought a sense of confusion as to whom the owner of the room really was.But then again after long minutes of search,I landed my eyes on it and there I was smiling minutes later into my therapy with my healing soul music…

I am what I am and fully responsible for who I am.My knowledge is as a hard work for my construction and reconstruction.I might not be superman but atleast sometimes in my dreams I find a way to fly.Something that’s mostly worked on,anything sophisticated,comes with a manual for procedures taken.I am myself a complex life existence,meaning that If I am fully or somehow in touch with my purpose for life,I have full knowledge of myself and how I can play around to achieve some of the things I find to myself success,solely depends on my adaptation to survival.

I admire social settings,I believe in social existence,I love friends and anyone who tries to bring out the best in me.Cause after all,being in the world billions of humans with different sets of personality attributes,means a lot than just the issue of filling the world.It creates a forum for compare and contrast.We compare ourselves daily so as to know our places on this earth,you wake up every morning to set goals so as to achieve a target record almost as high as that of a billionaire you admire,you view into YouTube to get tutorials of how you could make billions in a month?(an easier way being lottery)

This is how I optimize social existence,I compare and contrast,just to get the best qualities and to filter all that I feel to me isn’t really necessarily a success requirement.After a full assessment,I take my time in solitude where I break down all that I have gathered and with that,I update my personality.

I value my personality and corrupting it means losing myself that’s why I most of the time choose to stay alone out of the confines of moral impurity.As I said,I love friends and I couldn’t be anymore of an introvert,maybe an ambivert,and I respect that.One thing I learnt about socializing is,it is a process of personality degradation,impurification.

If I happen to sit around a table with some of my four friends talking about trending issues and everyone is pitch high trying to score a point,that means that I will have left the meeting with four different perceptions installed into my personality,and with that,my personality is changed too.I am not the same person who walked into the meeting a few hours ago,my personality has shifted and I am a different person now.

This has positive and negative temperaments.If I walk out with an Idea of creating a million dollar startup project,then I am winner.If I end up getting tips on how to serial kill each and every member of my family just to inherit the family wealth,then I shouldn’t have walked in into that meeting in the first place.Value yourself and have this knowledge that you were born without knowledge and your mind is actively processing fine details that you think you don’t care about into your conscience.And that every night you lay to sleep,you sleep a different personality from the previous day.

 

I AM INNOCENT,IT IS THEM THAT TURNED ME

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And finally the evening was here,I put on to play a John legend album for I found my evening to be amazingly attractive.The clouds puffed together to array into a shape of something my mind related to as a heart,which lay side to the flaming orange sun that dipped into the pockets of the horizon.I whistled my way to the shelf where I grabbed a healthy brand of whisky and as I stood contemplating a position as to where I would relax the rest part of my evening,Julie stormed in bursting in tears.

Her girlfriend,had cheated on her with a high school sweetheart(a guy named John).Julie and Melissa had been in love for close to four years now,as far as I can remember but I never took the time to understand how Julie found love in the members of her own sex.So after a few drinks,Julie started unraveling the darks of her past which later on joined into small puzzle pieces of her life.I understood.

Being the rear most in a family of four kids,she learnt a lot from her two brothers who she was in the same age bracket with.Her elder sister was quite a unit on her own as she was now employed in a firm across the street where she afforded an apartment so as to close in on her job.Julie having spent most time with her brothers,cut herself a role in most of their games,which with her innocence,she didn’t seem to quite judge.She would climb onto trees like a leopard,go for bird hunting with slings around her neck like a little Spartan.She joined the ‘pack’.

She started realizing her girl counterparts making clear divisions of their relationships with her,they zeroed in on her rough tendencies,they even noted one thing that Julie hadn’t any time noticing;Julie’s mode of dressing was ‘boy’ influenced.But Julie didn’t seem to care for she was just having a fun time playing.

She joined primary school,first days were going on good.Not until it occurred to her that she wasn’t attractive to the members of the opposite sex,in fact,boys made her childhood life unbearable.she was punched,kicked,bit,scratched verbally abused..among many of the things that heated up hell.This abuse was accorded to her ‘boyish’ characteristics which by then began manifesting in her physical attributes,to make it even more complete she designed herself a bald trademark.

Having received a sour taste of treatment,she deviced methods to enable her survival and she chose those used by her brothers,since they worked pretty well.She chose to be a fighter,she fought back,she wrecked havoc.She drew her lines,she made herself clear about hurting anyone that would make across.

As she slowly grew up,she started realizing that she was different from the rest of the girls.She reached puberty and yet not much was showing up to prove that she was really a girl,she watched other curvy girls in the wash rooms and smiled her shame away.She sat on the pavement that leads to the exit of their school as she remembered all the mean things said about her.She became even more aggressive.She remembers a time she knocked a tooth out of her deskmate,a boy,who called her a straight figured  chimp.

She started spending her time with girls oftenly and loved being in their circle as she realized that girls were less mean and had a heart that loves.This love,is what she was longing for.A person who understands her,a person who would appreciate her for being her.A growing hatred towards boys took the best of her.She made an executive decision to love and appreciate herself,she made her flaws her strengths.And in high school she met Melissa..

I interrupted her story abit to ask if she wanted her glass refilled,there is surely a lot I could learn from this side of her story,but she forced a stop to the story,claiming that the past bores a fresh hole in her heart,so we passed on to other trivial issues circling us.

(Story is purely a figment of Imagination,names don’t match the situations plotted.Based on observation and mixed up testimonies from random figures of the society)

ENERGY FROM WAFFLES AND A LITTLE MUSIC

 

imageIt is chilly,The fog has come down on us like an imaginary blanket,you can see it but can’t feel it’s weight.The weather has something against us,it’s like it’s numbing us for a major surgical operation,slowly fading us to a snooze.You could listen to the crack sounds of the hail stones fall above the iron roof of the house that gathers my home.The rapid teeth chattering almost crack my teeth as I loose control over my muscles…

Story time just ain’t yet,and now that I have your attention,It’s important if we look at  the most important facets of life.And today,Music.

Music is an art form and cultural activity whose medium is sound and silence,that’s how Wikipedia puts it.Thats Wikipedia,that’s how it feels music to be.Ask me about music,and I will tell you,Music is the feeling that splits my soul from my body and flies it around places I have never been before.In this spiritual movement,my soul trajectory cannot be reset until the absolute mileage is covered.I am not turning back on this feeling that highly takes me.

In this world there is more to it than basic needs,there is more beyond food,shelter and clothing.To me the issue of spiritual nourishment is more than basic because it guides these which we find basic.Confused?lemme rephrase.spiritual guidance selects your culture in how you dress,live and more of how you lead your life.So if you choose a misguiding spiritual guidance set,we won’t speak so differently about your life.And music,Is really an easy way to achieve spiritual cleansing.

“Music is food for the soul”.Just imagine this comparison,music to food,think of the best ways food satisfies your energy.Think of a starved person newly in energy after a meal.Think of that which has the mandate to be classified in the same hierachy as food.You probably woke today to buffet of English breakfast or just a piece of unleavened bread and a sip of salted water;that’s how basic music is,you could get musical ‘malnutrition’

Think of a meal you had on Christmas and now you would like to list it among your favorite meals,think of a song that did change your temperament about life and every time it plays you are reminded of the person you have become.It motivates you,and you play it down the alley as you walk over to your work place joyously,it assures you of a healthy day at work.

Let the music take control,Appeal to the world with a musical approach,a fine way to change the world.

 

 

I HATE YOUR PERCEPTION

imageThat day when all will resurrect and all the most outstanding figures of history will breathe to life,to me,I will let go of everything else and focus on two of the most prominent gifts of nature;wisdom vs knowledge.I would like to see an amazing combination of the wisest man to have ever lived(King Solomon) and the most philosophical element of the bible(Jesus) stand on one ground at the same epoch of time.

Human beings,created in different touches,have different tastes of knowledge build ups.What you know I don’t know and vice versa.A mad man may to us be an outcasted complexity of nature but to it,that’s just a theory we tend to bring up,extracted from wide laws governing sanity,laws created by man.

The knowledge of an insane man to us is unclear and that’s what brings out the indifference and bias.He knows what it feels to walk out in the streets everyday collecting litter and God knows where they take them.He laughs at things we find mysteriously nonexistent,but that,that is his joy.He laughs and grows fat despite the fact that he might lay his head on a heap of litter he strived to complile during the day(now I understand the litter is used to build homes).

They get mistreated in the most bizarre ways possible;rapes,physical abuse,segregation,misjudgment,impregnated and as if not enough,contract sexual transmitted diseases.And what do they do?they wake up every other morning like the last laughing and cheering themselves up,they sing and dance to create scenes for us to enjoy and make judgements about,and they just don’t seem to care.If anyone has ever seen an organized clique of mad men,more of a power circle,should update my knowledge cause to me that’s like experiencing a double-moon evening.

They believe in solitude and lack the confidence to share their problems off their chests.what they do is laugh,It’s really their medicine.Most of the mad guys I have seen around are huge in body and expose a great deal of physical healthiness,what they eat,God knows.Stale food,dirty water or on rare happenings,blessings from the hand of a Samaritan.Do they cry?maybe if they do it in hidden isolation from the public.Have I witnessed one crying?never!

Do they have romantic escapades?to them that is an issue that is exclusively human.Do they care?do they have caring hearts?I have seen one with a baby that she walked around with every time tied to her back with a shawl.What she fed to keep it alive,also,God knows.